Eau d'Infallibility

When you wear it, they can disagree with you only by risking their immortal soul.

Purity White-Out

It will be like your mistakes never happened. In fact, they never did.

Mother of Jesus Douche

Restores virginity as often as you need it.

River Jordan Filtration System

Turns your swimming pool, your shower, or your dishwasher into a fountain of youth.

Rapture Toothpaste

You can have that Certain Smile with new Rapture brand toothpaste. Your teeth will gleam with purity, and your gums will glow with eternal righteousness. Your breath of reason will convince all around you of your piety and devotion.

Use only as directed. Hypocritical use may result in damnation. Swallowing whole may cause you to be born again. Warranty void in case of miracles or divine intervention. All product names are trademarks of Waters of Life, Ltd.