Haynes for Her proudly announces its new line of thong panties. Each Haynes for Her thong is guaranteed to be pre-wedgied for your your personal discomfort. "We're proud that each of our panties will cause a full day's discomfort," says Pistachio Wallbanger, lead panty wedger on the production line. "Our panties are carefully designed so that they can't slip into a non-wedgie position under any circumstances."

Haynes for Her thong panties will be available in 6-packs with a different day of the week embroidered on each panty. "Look for the slip of paper that says, 'pre-wedgied by number 3'", Ms. Wallbanger says. "That's my crew. We're proud of our consistent wedginess. Each of our panties will crawl into the most uncomfortable places, and you'll need a chisel to get them out at then end of the day. You won't get any disappointing half-wedgies from us; we don't tolerate miswedgination around here."